If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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