DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
