yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
