ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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