i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
