I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
