He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
As shirtless as possible
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
