Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
