Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
