well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
