During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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