In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
