you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
