i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
