Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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