If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
