My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
