Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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