the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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