You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
