4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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