Having a random hookup so left but love u
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
