Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
