This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
