I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
