I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
