Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
