Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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