he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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