Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
