party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
