Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
