so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
