I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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