the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize