It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
