i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
