i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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