jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
