found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
