Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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