How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
