i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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