After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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