they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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