Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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