Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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