Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
