Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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