But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
