Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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