I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
