I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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