I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize