barbara walters just said penis...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
