Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
