I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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