All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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