I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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