Ambien. No doubt about it.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
