dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
