Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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