you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize