dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
