What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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