so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
