I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I came so hard my ears popped.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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