This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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