so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
