I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize